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I am absolutely delighted with it. It’s everything I hoped it would be: Terrible.

Had it looked GOOD, there would have been this nagging feeling that I’d be missing out on something if I stuck to my vow of never again watching another Michael Bay movie. I have fond childhood memories of the Turtles, so I may have weakened. But because it looks like, well, a Michael Bay movie, that feeling simply isn’t there. I have no desire, at all, to pay for or sit through that film.
Transformers 3 was the last chance I was willing to give. I thought “There’s no way it could actually be WORSE than Transformers 2. I’ll give it a shot”.
Somehow…. it was.
That was it. That was the breaking point. No more Bay. EVERYTHING he goes near is pure effluent, and all the evidence you need of how toxic a film Turtles is going to be is in that trailer.

Obviously, we don’t know what the plot is at this point, but it’s a Michael Bay film, and if plot is generally treated as irrelevant by the producer, we can feel less guilty about passing judgement on the film based purely on the visuals.

First, Megan Fox is not April O’Neil. She’s just Megan Fox, and Megan Fox’s contribution to theatrical entertainment begins and ends with perching on a motorbike wearing very little. That’s it. That’s her sole role in any film. That or a variation of it.

Then there are the Turtle designs, which have attracted a lot of flak, with people comparing them to all manner of things. The general view seems to be that Michelangelo looks like Mike Tyson crossed with some form of root vegetable.
I didn’t think that at all. The first thing that popped into my head when I saw them was: they’ve tuned the Turtles into f**king Goombas.



Personally, I think they looked better in pre-production…..y’know, before they added the CGI. If they have a special feature on the DVD where the CGI is absent, I might actually buy that.



And finally there’s the city-wide destruction and utterly indecipherable action sequences we’ve had in every Bay film since Transformers, all directed by the guy who brought us the Grecian chamber-pot, Wrath of the Titans: a sequel that nobody wanted to a film that everybody hated.

If you want to go and watch this Turtles film, if you want to give Bay your money and piss away 2+ precious hours of your life that could be spent on something more constructive, despite all of the evidence you’ve seen, that you’ve probably witnessed yourself, that Bay’s films are among the worst the world has ever seen: there’s nothing I can say that’ll stop you.
Go buy your ticket.
Smart people are going to either buy or rewatch TMNT (2007): www.youtube.com/watch?v=gisFzh…
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkegger98:
Kegger98 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
Actually, Michaeal bay is just producing.
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:iconjollyjack:
jollyjack Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
Which is enough of a reason for me to not watch it.
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:iconkegger98:
Kegger98 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
Alright, I get it.
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:iconmdtartist83:
MDTartist83 Featured By Owner May 22, 2014   General Artist
Yeah well, it's another production of Michael Bay. So I guess... What did you expect?
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:iconsilverzeo:
SilverZeo Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist
I shouldn't judge a movie before it came out...
Yes, it's a Bay film.
Yes, it's going to have a rather unfaithful take of the origin
Yes, Mikey's face reveal is almost EXACTLy like that did in Amazing Spider-Man, which pretty much was already done by Terry in Batman Beyond, only here it looks just like something for the trailer only...
.... but I've been wrong before... and most of the time due to jumping the gun...
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:iconda-derga:
da-derga Featured By Owner May 21, 2014   General Artist
I'm willing to give Transformers 3 a chance when it eventually makes its way to Freeview, where the only money spent by me will be the TV licence. But this may be my new Batman & Robin, which I have successfully avoided to this day, even though it's on ITV2 at least three times per month.
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:iconjohnsegway:
JohnSegway Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Urgh, Bay... Give me Ed Wood any day over that cretin.
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:iconafrodisium:
Afrodisium Featured By Owner May 1, 2014
So, would you say Bay is becoming the new Boll?
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:iconjollyjack:
jollyjack Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
Bay has always been Boll.....just with an inexplicable budget.
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:iconmythicalcomics:
MythicalComics Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014  Student General Artist
At most, I'll go see this as long as I'm not the one paying for it. That, or I'll simply pirate it to satisfy my curiosity regarding the flick. Otherwise, I don't see myself giving it a second thought.

My biggest issues given what was presented with the trailer? The turtles are now the intentional results of science in labs rather than accidents (that was a crucial thing originally), and Megan Fox is not wearing a yellow jumpsuit. This is, however, also a blessing. If she had worn April O'Neil's signature ensemble, it would've been a disservice to the original 90's material.
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:iconbonesatellite:
BoneSatellite Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
I wanted to re-watch TMNT the moment I saw that awful trailer.
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:iconseiuchiking:
SeiuchiKing Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
don't Michael Bay, not even once.
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:iconzlayter:
zlayter Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
truly the most accurate depiction of a mutant turtle was Razor from TMNT 2, I find the cartoon and original movies made the faces on the turtles a bit to soft. most, if not all turtles have beaks. tho I am starting to agree that the new bay turtles have a bit to much human in them, the ooze made them anthropomorphic, they were not crossed with humans ala Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. 
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:icondragonduo05:
dragonduo05 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
what we need is a Battle Toads movie...  
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:iconchusha:
Chusha Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Holy sweet [REDACTED] steaming Smurf ass on a crutch... WHAT THE HOLY SMURFING FUCKING HOLY ASS HELL IS THAT FIRST IMAGE??

No wait, I don't even want to know. Its better off I shove that into the back of my mind with that mental image of goa... GODDAMNITALLTOHELL!!
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:iconfrigidchick:
Frigidchick Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I was thinking Shrek... on steroids... and Gamma radiation.  XD
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:icondustyscarecrow:
DustyScarecrow Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I cried when I saw the new character designs. . . . .
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:icontheravensbastard39:
TheRavensBastard39 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I actually do agree with you on all counts here JJ. plus I also am one of the few who actually thought TMNT (2007) was good. it may not have been great, but it it at least felt more true to the Turtles' mythology and had some very good voice-acting, including from the late Mako Iwamatsu (we really miss you Uncle Iroh/Aku/Akiro). 
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:iconwindycitypuma:
WindyCityPuma Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
www.toonzone.net/2014/04/leona…

And here is a little more to add to the debacle.  Who Leonardo and Splinter will be voiced as. 
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:iconbigdavex1:
bigdavex1 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
Like this year's Robocop remake, the new Ninja Turtles movie does have one advantage in that it at least can't possibly be any worse than the third movie in the original series. Or the "Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation" TV series, for that matter.

Other than that though, it doesn't actually look overwhelmingly bad per se, it just looks really half-arsed, as though it were put together by someone whose only knowledge of the franchise came from watching an episode of the original cartoon 20 years ago. I mean, when you're trying to seriously pull off things that were actively ridiculed by the 2003 cartoon series, you know you've failed.
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:iconredwinterwolf:
RedWinterwolf Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
Hey, now, at least the recent Robocop was (IMO anyhow) a good film that was trying to make a modern-day point with quite good writing and acting.

i.e. things that will never feature in a Bay film. No, not even getting Peter Cullen could save Bayformers (I'm sorry, Peter, it's not your fault)
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:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Complaint's like JJ's stem from trying to elevate some 80s cheesy, campy show or comic book to the level of Shakespeare. Hell the version of TMNT that people seem to treat like sacred religious texts was itself a bastardization.
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:iconsyscomatic:
SyscoMatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
When they first announced a new live action movie for TMNT, at first I thought "Oh cool, with today's technology and effects in movies today, it can be pulled off well."
But when they mentioned Mr. Bay directing it...."Well, fuck all my hopes for it..."
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:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
He's not directing, he's producing.
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:iconredwinterwolf:
RedWinterwolf Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
He's involved. That's enough to make anyone with past experience of his 'work' give a little sigh and walk away quickly...
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:iconpurpleground02:
Purpleground02 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yea..... I saw that Michael Bay's TMNT trailer, though there's a few action scene like the sliding down the hills with the helicopter chasing... But the character design is bad. I can't coop with it. Or... that's what turtles looks like in actual size? no, I must have missed something.... Anyway, I like the TMNT (2007), even the trailer itself topped the current one. 
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:iconwikidreamer:
WikiDreamer Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
I was excited to hear that Bay understood that they were mutant turtles and not aliens.

Then I saw the trailer.

Then I heard Mikey's voice.

Then I cried.

Inside first.

The out.

ALL out.

Imma just marathon the new CG series and TMNT 2007 come release day. Also, OMG, I thought I was the only one who thought of Goombas!
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:iconthesuperabsurdist:
TheSuperAbsurdist Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I was disappointed when I first heard that he was making a live-action TMNT movie, and the bar got lower and lower with every tidbit of info released about it. I have to say, I was actually surprised after watching the trailer, because I didn't there my expectations could have been lowered any more.

The depiction of Michael Bay on South Park was pretty damn accurate, the man doesn't know how to tell a decent story and supplements that with special effects. Not looking forward to being bombarded with trailer after trailer of this turd. Ninja Turd-les, lol! 
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:iconmrspartin:
MrSpartin Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I sincerely hope this TMNT movie tanks. The franchise of Ninja Turtles will endure, Michael Bay getting more childhood series to rape will not (hopefully). Besides, I'm getting pretty sick of dumb movies that just try to dazzle us with pretty visuals. If the story is crap or the approach is crap, then the movie sucks, no matter how nice it looks. They aren't getting MY money for more of this junk.
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:iconjohn-the-enforcer:
John-the-Enforcer Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
This was pretty much my reaction at seeing the Michael Bay-ed-up TMNT trailer: www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mVjX1…

The movie-goer in me refuses to even see the film, denying that franchise-fuck-upping hack of a director money or the satisfaction of seeing another film he's made based upon a franchise I enjoyed growing up...that he's pretty much shat all over.

The fan of TMNT in me, however, wants to rip out his useless brain and slam-dunk it down a toilet.

BTW, in comparison, the 2007 film was way the hell better than this upcoming turd Michael Bay's about to shit out.
Reply
:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'll watch it twice, and cancel out you not going. :meow:
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:iconjohn-the-enforcer:
John-the-Enforcer Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
No, you fool!  Don't give him the satisfaction or your money!
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:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I go to the movies to be entertained. Bay's movies are entertaining. They ain't deep. They ain't Oscar material, but I've yet to walk out of one going "Well that was boring!"
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:iconjohn-the-enforcer:
John-the-Enforcer Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
After he ruined "Transformers", he's certainly not getting any more of my money for any more schlock films.
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:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If by "ruined" you mean "brought back public interest in".
Transformers Animated, Prime, Rescue Bots, Aligned Continuity, War for/Fall of Cybertron would not have happened had people become interested again.
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:iconjohn-the-enforcer:
John-the-Enforcer Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
Have you even seen the last two Transformer films?
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:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sure did, and aside from some the overuse sophomoric humor, there's not a damned thing wrong with them.
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(1 Reply)
:icondartagnan72:
Dartagnan72 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
Agree with all your arguments such as Megan Fox's acting or lack there of and how everything Bay touches literally explodes on the screen cause its nothing but explosions usually.  However,  I think this movie will actually be pretty good at least we got to see a hint of individuality between them seeing as Michelangelo cracked...what I guess normally would pass for a joke.  By the end of the day I think it'll be a good action flick movie to just go watch, get pumped, and see lots of explosions you know very Die Hardish.  Will it win any oscars?  Be considered masterpiece gold? etc. probably not, but I still plan on giving this film a try...when it gets taped...and released on the net...cause I want to support the idea of a turtle film financially, but I don't want to support Bay financially if that makes sense.  Oh well we'll see what happens when it comes out.
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:icongyrostar:
Gyrostar Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Screw TMNT, go watch the 1990 movie.
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:iconmakocrab:
MakoCrab Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm loving the new Nickelodeon TMNT cartoon. It's so good, that it effectively squashed any desire I might have to jaunt on down to the theater to see this movie. To me, those turtles in the movie are the fake ones. Gonna stick with the toon.
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:iconaclipes64:
Aclipes64 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
I agree 100%.
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:iconsxgodzilla:
SXGodzilla Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
gonna just wait to rent it. Unless i get dragged out to see it. e_e

The Turtles don't really bother me so much... (strangely). Nor does Megan Fox as April O'Neil... but just the idea that they're going to P.C. the hell out of Shredder and the Foot Clan is what's kinda irking me the most.

The Foot Clan is supposed to be like some big amalgamation of the Yakuza, the Mad Gear gang, and every evil Ninja clan from comic books and movies. Not a big gang of wannabe 300-style Persian Immortals with high-powered weaponry.

Though the Shredder armor looks particularly AWESOME. >.>;; Too bad the trailers seem to indicate it's gonna be a white guy. And he might've had a hand in creating the Turtles... gonna feel REALLY stupid when it backfires on him.
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:iconangelonight:
Angelonight Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
I will agree with you on the Megan Fox point, I feel she was a terrible choice for April.
As for the Turtles design, I actually don't mind it. I am looking at their design the same way I looked at the Transformers redesign in that he is going for a more real world look.
Now I will openly admit that I liked the Transformers movies, mainly because I am not a fan of the original cartoon, and yes I grew up with it, I was born in 80.
That being said I AM a fan of the Ninja turtles, more the comics than the original cartoon. So I will reserve judgment till I see it to see just how much he bends the cannon.
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:iconpidkid:
PIDKID Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hay Jack huge fan of your art I would hop you draw a image of the turtles beating up bay with the transformers but also the only reason I am considering watching it is because they got rid of the whole turtles being aliens like you I have a fond memory of the show and original movies although I only new it as TMNT. I have been told it used to be Teenage Mutentt Hero Turtels but I digress I am only willing to see it if they have gotten rid of the idea that the turtles are aliens
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:icondarkecofreak23:
darkecofreak23 Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Student Writer
I'm still waiting to see if it's gonna be worth it. I'm not entirely for or against it yet.

My opinion: both Bad Boys movies and the first two TF movies were good, and I will watch them over and over. That said, TF3 was utter shit. And I'm not sure if I'll see TF4 in theatres or not. I might just wait for it to come out on Redbox.
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:iconj82:
J82 Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
I'm still having nightmares after seeing Michelangelo’s face.
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:iconjaded-crypt:
Jaded-Crypt Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm going to watch it to make sure it's bad ^_^
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:iconskunktoy:
skunktoy Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
Bay should go away, far far away...
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:iconejp-gallant:
EJP-Gallant Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
I watched TMNT as a kid back in the early 90s.  I still have some of the toys, including a full set of mint condition "OMGWTF Were They Thinking, Stark Trek TMNT" in box.  Today, I hardly remember a damn thing about it and just don't really care to get back in touch with shows from my childhood.  Mainly because Adult me knows a lot about story, plot, and character development.  Child me would watch just about anything until noon even if I didn't understand what was going on because "There could always be something better, NEXT'.  Child Me also didn't have TV guides or the ability or will to read so... yeah.  Anyway, I don't plan to see this movie just like I don't plan to go back and watch all the last TMNT movies.  I'm still on the Boycott bay bus but, I just don't care that much.  In hind sight, why is it that I've forgotten almost everything about TMNT but I still remember this one episode of this one old mid 1990s anime where people could turn into robots and fight and while I can't remember the name of it.  I remember the main character was looking for his sister, found her, she was hurt, SURPRISE she can turn into a robot as well, but then she dies because of it.  My mind is strange.
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:iconadamrozza:
AdamRozza Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Am I the only person that thinks the movie actually looks pretty good?
Reply
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